A Different Perspective

Since August of '09, I have seemingly been 'punished' for any activity requiring standing or walking around. When I do this, my blood pressure drops to all-time lows and I experience ill feelings and symptoms as a result. Because of my need to sit most of the time, I have found that when I go anywhere my first instinct is to look for a chair or bench or some clean, safe object on which to rest my ever-decreasing toukas(sp). I also have developed a need for routing out the shortest walking distance to any destination (mostly the bathroom).  My life has come to revolve around my daughter and husband and my illness.  These are my priorities.  The the first two came naturally, as a family, we have had to make room for the latter.  My activity level for the day is typically determined by the physical state that I wake up in. And hopefully, if I have something planned for the day, I rested all of the day before to make it even slightly more possible.  

I am not complaining nor requesting sympathy. I am simply stating what is so that when I say that I trust God with everything, you understand to what I am referring. I am not angry. I am not bitter.  I would be lying if  said that I don't sometimes question what God's purpose for this is.  However, most days I am able to see His purpose clearly...He asks me daily to rely on Him for EVERYTHING. For strength(mentally and physically). For energy. For the ability to shower without passing out. To complete my daily tasks and to care for my daughter.  I have to filter everything I do through Him, by asking Him to enable me to do it.  

Most people do things without questioning their next move or the possible outcome.  Often times, very stupid things are done and the consequences are endless.  I don't have that option....thank God. 

I don't like being ill. Don't get me wrong. But I can see where God is taking me through my illness and because of that I don't mind "sitting this one out".  Things definitely look different in a chair. But I wouldn't have the opportunity to appreciate the view if I wasn't forced to.  Don't allow life's challenges to keep you from enjoying a different aspect of 'the game'

Another Day

I originally started this blog as a way to keep in touch with those I was leaving behind when we moved to Mansfield. Well, we can see how well that idea worked. My last entry was well over a year ago and so much in my life has changed to the point that I now feel it is necessary for me to get this thing up and running again. Not so much, this time, as a means to keep friends and family posted on the daily happenings at the Macdonald household, but as an avenue for me to live. I feel as though I have lost my voice in the midst of life's circumstances and it is now time for me to get it back...somehow.
It has been suggested to me, over and over, to write. "Tell your story", some have said. I have felt for a long time that my story isn't worth reading. Not that I look down on myself or think I'm less of a person than anyone else, but because I feel that no one wants to know that sometimes the most momentous part of my day was being able to take a shower without passing out. No one wants to walk through the fire with you, they just want to rejoice in knowing you survived the journey. A good friend of mine said to me a while back, "a true writer starts writing for themselves".
So here I am. Writing. Not for you...the reader(if those actually exist), but for me.